52 classes from 52 years

And now we’re 52…

On today in 1969, child J.D. entered the world. I do not suppose there’s any method my mother and father may have predicted the trail their firstborn would take by way of life. It hasn’t at all times been simple — no because of the obstacles I’ve positioned in my very own method — however I’ve actually had an exquisite (and attention-grabbing) life, and I sit up for no matter time is left me.

As I do yearly right here at Get Wealthy Slowly, I will commemorate my birthday by sharing a few of the most essential issues I’ve realized throughout my time on Earth. These are an important items of my life philosophy.

Let’s begin with a have a look at the core takeaway from my 52nd yr, the most recent addition to my life philosophy.

What I Discovered Throughout My 52nd 12 months

This previous yr, particularly, has been an attention-grabbing one. I do know that is true for the world as an entire, however I personally have skilled a substantial amount of progress over the past twelve months. It has been a deeply introspective yr.

In case you had been following alongside, you may see me course of a few of this introspection in actual time, each right here on the weblog and on the Get Wealthy Slowly channel on YouTube.

In July, I wrote that I’m the one factor in life I can management. In August, I wrote about eliminating internet negatives (or attempting to). In October, I wrote in regards to the pursuit of high quality. And just some weeks in the past, I wrote in regards to the energy of low expectations.

What I’ve realized in current weeks is that every one of those Deep Ideas appear to be a manifestation of the identical basic drawback in my life: my ADHD. For years, I suspected I had ADHD. In 2012, my therapist confirmed it. In session with my M.D., my therapist prescribed a drugs (Vyvanse) that I used to be meant to take on daily basis. I hate the uncomfortable side effects, although, so I by no means did. I took it solely as wanted.

However in trying to find solutions relating to my ongoing despair and nervousness, I’ve come to grasp that these two debilitating psychological diseases can really be brought on by ADHD. My incapacity to focus leads me to turn into overwhelmed. Once I turn into overwhelmed, I get careworn. Once I get careworn, I get anxious and depressed.

All of it appears apparent at the moment, nevertheless it was by no means apparent earlier than.

Anyhow, I’ve begun taking my Vyvanse commonly. As we speak is the sixth day in a row that I’ve used it. It appears to be serving to. In the meantime, I have been attempting to follow mindfulness in on a regular basis life. Plus, Kim and I are taking some huge steps (to be mentioned right here within the coming weeks) to alleviate a few of the issues that overwhelm me regularly.

Coming to grips with the truth that my ADHD is extra pronounced than I believed (and that it is most likely the supply of so most of the issues that carry me struggling) has been eye-opening. As I reviewed this checklist, for example, I used to be shocked at simply what number of items of my philosophy immediately tied to ADHD coping mechanisms. It is loopy.

So, the largest lesson I realized this yr is the age-old maxim: know thyself. So far as attainable, know what makes you tick — and the way that impacts your targets, actions, and relationships.

My Life Philosophy

Earlier than we dive into the remainder of my life philosophy, I wish to make one thing clear: I’m no wiser or smarter than anyone else. And I am actually no higher. However I’m a person.

I am my very own particular person with my very own private preferences and private experiences. These have all jumbled in over the previous 52 years to present me a singular perspective on life (simply as you will have a singular perspective on life). To cite my favourite poem:

A lot have I seen and identified; cities of males
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, however honour’d of all of them;
And drunk delight of battle with my friends,
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I’m part of all that I’ve met…

So, these 52 nuggets of knowledge are issues I’ve discovered to be true for me — and, I imagine, for many different folks. (However every of us is totally different. What works for me could not give you the results you want.) These beliefs make up the core of my private philosophy of life.

A few of these concepts are authentic to me. Some aren’t. Once I’ve borrowed one thing, I’ve finished my greatest to quote my supply. (And I’ve tried to quote the oldest supply I can discover. Plenty of people borrow concepts from one another. There’s nothing new below the solar and all that.)

Listed below are 52 ideas I’ve discovered to be true throughout my 52 years on this planet. I will lead with this yr’s new addition.

• Know thyself. All of us are related, however every of us is totally different. It is these variations that make us distinctive people. It is as much as you to find your strengths (and weaknesses), to determine what’s essential to you, to plot your personal course by way of this world. Taking time periodically to re-asses what makes you tick is a vital a part of constructing a life that permits you to flourish.
• Love your self. All my life, I’ve struggled with low shallowness. There have been occasions after I’ve hated myself. Current years have been particularly powerful for me as nervousness and despair proved to be crippling for months on finish. Working with a therapist helped. She helped me to grasp that it is essential to study to each settle for myself and love myself — although, like everybody, I am imperfect. I nonetheless have a protracted approach to go, however I am making progress.
• Self-care comes first. In case you’re not wholesome, it is powerful to be blissful. Earlier than you may maintain your folks and your loved ones, you’ll want to maintain your self. Eat nicely. Train. Nurture your thoughts, physique, and spirit. Your physique is a temple; deal with it like one. If you do not have your well being, you’ve got received nothing.
• You get what you give. Your outer life is a mirrored image of your interior life. In case you suppose the world is a shitty place, the world goes to be a shitty place. In case you suppose individuals are out to get you, folks might be out to get you. However for those who imagine individuals are mainly good, you will discover that that is true wherever you go.
• Life is sort of a lottery. You obtain tickets each time you strive new issues and meet new folks. Most of those lottery tickets will not have a pay-out, and that is okay. However now and again, you will hit the jackpot. The extra you play — the extra you say “sure” to new pals and new experiences — the extra typically you will win. You may’t win for those who do not play. That stated, nonetheless…
• Luck isn’t any accident. What we consider as luck has nearly nothing to do with randomness and nearly every part to do with angle. Fortunate folks look ahead to — and reap the benefits of — alternatives. They take heed to their hunches. They know how one can “fail ahead”, making good out of dangerous. [Via the book Luck is No Accident.]
• Do not attempt to change others. “Makes an attempt to alter others are not often profitable, and even then are most likely not fully satisfying,” Harry Browne wrote in How I Discovered Freedom in an Unfree World. “To just accept others as they’re does not imply it’s important to give into them or put up with them. You might be sovereign. You personal your personal world. You may select…There are hundreds of thousands of individuals on the market on the planet; you will have much more to select from than simply what you see in entrance of you now.”
• Do not enable others to attempt to change you. Once more from How I Discovered Freedom in an Unfree World: “You might be free to stay your life as you need…The calls for and needs of others do not management your life. You do. You make the choices…There are millions of individuals who would not demand that you simply bend your self out of form to please them. There are individuals who will need you to be your self, individuals who see issues as you do, individuals who need the identical stuff you need. Why ought to it’s important to waste your life in a futile effort to please these with whom you are not appropriate?”

• Be impeccable together with your phrase. Be sincere — with your self and others. In case you promise to do one thing, do it. When someone asks you a query, inform the reality. Apply what you preach. Keep away from gossip. [This is directly from Don Miguel’s The Four Agreements.]
• Do not take issues personally. When folks criticize you and your actions, it isn’t about you — it is about them. They can not know what it is prefer to be you and stay your life. Whenever you take issues personally, you are permitting others to manage your life and your happiness. Heed the Arab proverb: The canines bark however the caravan strikes on. [This is also one of The Four Agreements.]
• Do not make assumptions. The flip facet of not taking issues personally is to not assume you already know what is going on on in different folks’s heads. Do not assume you already know the motivations for his or her actions. Simply as their actuality would not mirror your actuality, your life isn’t theirs. Give folks the advantage of the doubt. [Another of The Four Agreements.]
• All the time do your greatest. Your greatest varies from second to second. Some days within the gymnasium, for example, I will elevate heavier weights than on different days. Some days I can run sooner than regular; some days, I am slower. That is okay. What issues most is that I give my greatest effort each time. It doesn’t matter what you do, do it in addition to you may. This is among the keys to success and happiness. [This is the last of The Four Agreements.]
• Effort issues greater than ability or expertise. “Effort counts twice,” argues Angela Duckworth in Grit: The Energy of Passon and Perseverance. Talent, she says, is expertise multiplied by effort. The extra you do what you are good at, the higher you get. However achievement is the product of ability multiplied by effort. Effort counts twice. (This can be why psychologists say it is higher to reward your kid’s efforts as an alternative of her outcomes. Reward her for spending time on her homework, not as a result of she received an A.)
• Embrace the imperfections. In case you do what is true, and also you do your greatest, then there is not any purpose to really feel dangerous in regards to the final result. No one’s excellent. Do not beat your self up for those who make errors. And do not sweat it if different folks get upset with you too. In case you’re doing the very best you may, that is adequate.
• The proper is the enemy of the great. Too many individuals by no means get began as a result of they don’t know that the “greatest” first step is. You do not know the very best guitar, so that you by no means study to play. You do not know which Spanish guide is greatest, so that you by no means study to talk. You do not know how one can bench press, so that you by no means go to the gymnasium. Don’t fear about getting issues precisely proper — simply select an excellent possibility and do one thing to get began.
• There’s no single “proper” approach to obtain success. Every of us is totally different. Now we have totally different targets, personalities, and experiences. We every want to seek out the instruments and methods which are efficient for our personal conditions. There’s nobody proper approach to eat, love, pray, or repay debt. Don’t imagine anybody who tells you there’s. Experiment till you discover strategies which are efficient for you. (Be aware, nonetheless, that there are flawed methods to do this stuff — avoid apparent dangerous selections.)
• Be current within the second. Settle for life for what it’s, with out labels or judgment. Yield to occasions; do not block them. Float. Nothing exists outdoors the current second: Do not dwell on the previous or fear in regards to the future. Enhance the standard of the right here and now. Whenever you do one thing, try this factor. Whenever you’re with someone, be with them. Do not multitask. Put away the smartphone or the pc or the guide. Be all there. [This is an ancient concept made popular by The Power of Now.]
• Spirituality is private. The will for one particular person (or group) to impose her (or their) beliefs on others is the supply of a lot of this world’s strife. Imagine what you need, and let others do the identical. “There isn’t a want for temples, no want for classy philosophies. My mind and coronary heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.” — the Dalai Lama
• Be skeptical — however maintain an open thoughts. Do not imagine every part you hear — from others and from your personal inside self-talk. Apply wholesome skepticism. However maintain an open thoughts. Do not routinely assume that every part is faux or false. Do your greatest to research the stuff you see and listen to to find out whether or not they really make sense.
• Do not yuck another person’s yum. Simply since you do not like one thing does not imply it is dangerous. Pursue your passions, and let others pursue theirs. In case you do not like one thing, advantageous. Do not make a giant deal about it.
• You may’t forestall each attainable factor from going flawed. Do not even strive. As a substitute, study to deal successfully with minor issues. You will construct self-confidence, which can result in an elevated willingness to take calculated dangers. (Equally, you may’t make everybody such as you. It is silly to strive.)
• Be versatile. Targets are good, however single-minded devotion to a objective can typically blind an individual to different alternatives. And it is a mistake to cling to 1 path out of sense of obligation. In case you enter regulation faculty and uncover you hate it, then give up. Do not endure years of distress since you really feel prefer it’s anticipated of you. That is dumb. You’ve got extra choices than you suppose, however chances are you’ll must decelerate and open your eyes to be able to see them.
• Be encouraging. Assist the artistic, optimistic actions of others. There are lots of people on the market who wish to inform others what’s flawed with their actions, why the issues they wish to do cannot be finished. They’re fast to criticize small errors as an alternative of praising the better effort. Do not be this fashion. Do what you may — in methods each huge and small — to assist others obtain their targets. [Taken from Action Girl’s Guide to Living.]

• You’re the creator of your personal life. Everybody has a narrative they wish to inform you about your self. Society tries to push a “customary narrative” on us about how life ought to go. Ignore these tales. In case you do not just like the story you are dwelling, it is as much as you to alter the plot. You did not write the start of your story, however you will have the ability to decide on the ending. Select and journey you like as an alternative of 1 that makes you sad.
• You do not want permission. Once we’re younger, we watch for our mother and father and academics to say it is okay to do the issues we wish to do. As an grownup, you do not want permission from anyone else. Do you wish to give up your job and journey the world? Do it. Do you wish to learn to journey a bike? Do it. Do not watch for someone else to provide the go-ahead. You’re the just one who wants to present your self permission to do this stuff.
• Do not let worry information your decision-making course of. My girlfriend Kim advised me this on one among our first dates, and it echoes one thing my accountant as soon as advised me. He says that too many individuals become profitable strikes based mostly solely on the tax repercussions. “That is dumb,” he advised me. “You need to do what you need since you wish to, not due to the tax hit.” This is applicable in all features of life. Make choices based mostly on what you wish to do. Transfer towards one thing, not away from one thing.
• Motion cures worry. Thought creates worry; motion cures it. What we’re really afraid of is the unknown. We like certainty, and selecting to do one thing with an unsure final result makes us nervous. Taking step one will be scary, however every further step turns into simpler and simpler. Whenever you act, you take away the thriller. Motion creates confidence. It creates motivation. (Most individuals suppose motivation comes earlier than motion. They’re flawed. Motion creates motivation.) [This is an old idea but this phrasing is from The Magic of Thinking Big.]
• Motion is character. In case you by no means did something, you would not be anyone. Superman is a superhero as a result of he does heroic issues, not as a result of he talks about doing them. And a author is a author as a result of she writes, not as a result of she talks about writing. What we are saying would not matter; it is what we try this counts. We’re what we repeatedly do. [From F. Scott Fitzgerald’s notes on The Last Tycoon.]
• You are extra prone to remorse the issues you do not do than the stuff you do. That is to not say you need to be an asshole, or that you simply will not remorse making huge errors. However usually talking, you are extra prone to be sorry that you simply did not introduce your self to the barista on the coffeehouse, did not go bungee-jumping with your folks, did not keep in contact with your folks. [This is the central idea in The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.]
• Give with out the expectation of return. Assist different folks — even when it prices a bit of cash or time. Do not at all times anticipate a monetary payoff. Do not get offended in case your effort is not acknowledged or appreciated. Assist as a result of it is the correct factor to do, not since you wish to be observed.
• When good issues occur to folks you already know, assist them have fun. Their success doesn’t diminish you. Be blissful when your family and friends obtain one thing cool. If a co-worker will get a increase, be supportive and never jealous. Method life as if it had been a win-win sport. As a result of it’s.
• Joyful folks nearly by no means criticize, says Steven Pressfield in The Battle of Artwork. “In the event that they converse in any respect,” he writes, “it is to supply encouragement.” That is true in my expertise, as nicely. Being sarcastic and slicing does not imply that you simply’re smarter than the folks round you. More often than not, it merely means you are an asshole. And that leads me to the subsequent lesson…
• Staying in a relationship out of a way of obligation or pity isn’t an excellent purpose. Generally you actually do must stroll away — from a friendship, from a member of the family, even from a romantic associate. Yours is not the one story on this world; generally it is higher to be someone else’s villain than to make your self depressing.
• You’ve got the liberty to decide on the way you reply to any occasion. Within the basic Man’s Seek for That means, Victor Fankl writes, “The whole lot will be taken from a person however one factor: the final of human freedoms — to decide on one’s angle in any given set of circumstances, to decide on one’s personal method.” He based mostly this philosophy on his private expertise in a Nazi focus camp. When that jerk cuts you off on the freeway, you get to decide on for those who’ll get indignant or give him the advantage of the doubt. Whenever you get caught behind the previous woman in line on the grocery retailer, it is as much as you how one can reply. When these silly youngsters subsequent door vandalize your garden, you get to decide on how you are feeling about it.
• You will be happier for those who give attention to efforts and a focus solely on the issues you may management. Every of us has numerous issues about which we’re involved: our well being, our household, our pals, our jobs; world affairs, the plight of the poor, the specter of terrorism, the present political local weather. Inside that Circle of Concern, there is a smaller subset of issues over which we’ve got precise, direct management: how a lot we train, what time we go to mattress, whether or not we go away for work on time; what we eat, the place we stay, with whom we socialize. You will be happier and extra productive for those who dedicate your self to your Circle of Management and ignore your Circle of Concern. [This notion is part of Julian Rotter’s social-learning theory of personality, but was popularized by Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.]

• You may have something you need — however you may’t have every part you need. The whole lot is a trade-off. You’ve got restricted sources. Whenever you select to spend — time, cash, brainwidth — on one factor, you are additionally selecting to not spend on others. Do your greatest to spend solely on the issues that matter most to you. Do not actually give a rat’s ass about Huge Bang Concept? Then why are you watching it? Spend your time and vitality on one thing you do care about.
• Make room for the large rocks first. It is easy to let your time and vitality be sucked up by trivial errands and duties. You discover you not have house for the stuff you thought had been most essential. Do not try this. All the time carve out time and a focus for these folks and actions you worth most. If the home would not get clear since you had been hanging out with a good friend, so what? In case you did not mow the garden since you went to the gymnasium as an alternative, that is an excellent factor. Deal with the essential, then the trivial.
• If you wish to keep away from feeling overwhelmed, create margin in your life. Simplicity brings peace. Many individuals have tried to beat this into my head through the years, nevertheless it wasn’t till I learn The Life-Altering Magic of Tidying Up that I actually understood. Each merchandise you personal, each assembly you schedule, each electronic mail you obtain — each obligation in your life carries each psychic and bodily weight. Touring in an RV for fifteen months, I realized to like proudly owning little or no. It was releasing! And it was releasing too to not be a slave to a schedule. As a lot as you may, construct margin into your life so that you could really feel peaceable and free.
• Be your personal advocate. Do not be afraid to ask what you need and what you want — particularly if it is assist. Too typically, we wrestle in silence once we may make our lives higher just by asking a query or two. Higher to look ignorant for a second than to stay ignorant for a lifetime. Do not watch for others to unravel your issues. Be proactive. Discover solutions. Take motion. Study to assist your self.
• It’s at all times greatest to be proactive. In life, there are sometimes default choices. In case you don’t consciously and intentionally select one thing totally different, you get the default. When this occurs, your life shapes you rather than you shaping your life. Most individuals undergo their complete lives in default mode. They settle for what life arms them with out query. They’re reactive. Select to be proactive as an alternative. In case you do not set your personal targets, someone else will set them for you.
• High quality instruments could make life higher. For years, I equated low value with sensible spending. Now I do know that is not at all times the case. Now, I am keen to spend to purchase high-quality issues after I know I will use them on a regular basis. I’ve high-quality boots, for example, and an costly pc. I am okay with that. I stroll in all places I am going, so the boots are value it. And my pc is my livelihood. The expense is value it as a result of it makes working a pleasure. For gadgets used each day, purchase the very best. In case you do not use it typically, of if it isn’t essential to you, purchase the most affordable attainable.
• The that means of life is the that means you resolve to present it. Some individuals are searchers. They wander by way of life in search of solutions…however not often discover them. Others settle for with out query what an outdoor authority tells them is true. I imagine that the that means of life comes from inside, from the issues that you simply lean to prioritize and worth. No one goes to inform you what life ought to imply to you; it’s important to resolve that for your self.
• You’re the boss of you. Your circumstances may not be your fault, however they’re your duty. Don’t blame anybody or the rest on your scenario, and don’t anticipate someone else to rescue you. In case you do not like the place you might be, resolve to do what it takes to make a change.
• Do not examine your self to others. I preach this typically at Get Wealthy Slowly. Evaluating your self to others is counter-productive. Usually one among two issues occurs: You both really feel shitty since you’re not so good as the opposite particular person, otherwise you really feel superior as a result of they’re not so good as you. In actuality, no person is healthier than anyone else. We’re simply totally different. If you wish to examine your self, examine Current You to Previous You — and do what you may to make Future You a greater model of why you might be at the moment.
• You may’t do away with a nasty behavior; you may solely change it. “You may by no means really extinguish dangerous habits,” writes Charles Duhigg in The Energy of Behavior. “Somewhat, to alter a behavior, you should maintain the previous cue, and ship the previous reward, however insert a brand new routine.” He calls this the Golden Rule of Behavior Change. To alter your behavior loop, it’s important to do one thing totally different when the behavior is triggered. Let me offer you an instance: I was a stress-eater. I might eat junk meals — and plenty of it — any time I had a deadline or a battle with a good friend. The act of consuming soothed my thoughts. The stress was the cue (the set off), and the push was the reward. No shock, this behavior made me fats. I’ve managed to (principally) change the behavior loop by strolling as an alternative of consuming. Now if I get careworn, I am going for a stroll. I get the same rush for a reward, however my actions are more healthy.
• Optimistic reinforcement is highly effective. When Tahlequah performs a desired conduct — sitting, coming when referred to as, being good to the cats — we reward her. She learns to attach the deal with with the actions we desires, and turns into extra prone to provide them…even once we do not reward her. What’s true for canines is true for folks too. Does nagging your partner really work? In all probability not. (In reality, it most likely has the other impact you plan!) However for those who reward the conduct your need, you will finally see it supplied with out prompting. The identical factor is true with youngsters, co-workers, relations, and so forth. [This is a fundamental principle of psychology. An excellent source for more info is Don’t Shoot the Dog.]

• Create your personal certainty. Do not enable your self to be depending on the alternatives and actions of others. I name this “Michelle’s Regulation” after my good friend who taught it to me. However I’ve one other good friend — Jenn — who talks about “guaranteeing success”. When she’s engaged on one thing essential, whether or not it is a relationship or a trip, she at all times follows as much as guarantee that what she expects to occur will occur. This philosophy is akin to the concept you need to belief, however confirm.
• Select happiness. Do work and play that brings success. Spend time with individuals who construct you up, not those that carry you (and others) down. Strip out of your life the issues that take time, cash, and vitality, however which don’t carry you pleasure. Deal with the necessities.
• Time is extra precious than cash. You may at all times earn more money…however you may’t make extra time. This is not permission to spend lavishly on something and every part simply since you would possibly get hit by a truck tomorrow. It’s, nonetheless, an invite to think about what’s essential to you and to give attention to that. It is encouragement to get clear in your private mission assertion and to construct your life round it.
• It is by no means too late to be nice. It takes time to attain something worthwhile. However simply because you have not began but — or have not reached the extent your aiming for — does not imply you may’t or will not make it occur. Do not be daunted by audacious targets. Are you fifty and wish to run a marathon? Begin coaching. Are you sixty and solely now considering of retirement? That is okay. Higher late than by no means. Are you seventy and wish to write a novel? Do it. Historical past is stuffed with examples of oldsters who obtain nice issues later in life. [This argument is made persuasively by Tom Butler-Bowdon in his book, Never Too Late to Be Great.]
• Be your self. That is an important factor I’ve realized throughout my 52 years of life. For too lengthy, I attempted to please others. I attempted to be and do the issues I assumed they needed me to be and do. In consequence, I used to be sad. And more often than not, my actions did not have the outcomes I assumed they’d. They did not make others like me any higher. As a substitute of attempting to please others, now I am simply me. I am sincere about who I’m and what I need. Perhaps a few of my previous pals do not like who I’ve turn into. That is okay. I’ve made loads of individuals who do like who I’m.
• “All people is gifted, authentic and has one thing essential to say.” — Barbara Ueland, If You Wish to Write.

This is not a complete checklist of my beliefs, nevertheless it’s a good survey of my life philosophy. It has advanced from my philosophy after I was forty or thirty. And I am certain that my philosophy at sixty can have modified in ways in which I can not foresee proper now.

Additionally be aware that though I actually do imagine this stuff to be true, I additionally wrestle with them. I am human, identical to you. I do not at all times stay as much as my preferrred self. I do not at all times adhere to my very own life philosophy.

What number of of those concepts do you agree with? Which do you disagree with? Extra to the purpose: What are the core concepts that make up your private life philosophy?